Rehearsing Our Troubles

“Be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts (thoughts and feelings) and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7



I’ve been reading through a devotional book by Sarah Young, called Jesus calling. A couple of days ago I read a couple of lines of one and could not go any further.


“As you anticipate what is ahead of you, you forget that Jesus is with you—now and always. Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, when you are meant to go through them ONLY when they ACTUALLY occur. Don’t multiply your suffering in this way!”


I must confess (and those of you who know me well can attest) that it comes so much more natural for me to look ahead and be anxious and worrisome than to trust and receive peace. There have been times when fear of what could be paralyzes me in my tracks because I rehearse in my mind, as though I’m in a play, how I will respond and get through something that I may NEVER go through. To add to the scenario I try to justify that I’m preparing myself for what MAY happen and start anxiously trying to plan around it. Not only is it frustrating to me when my “plan” is met with resistance, but it also causes conflict and frustration for anyone that causes the resistance to my plan (Ex: God, Tyler, other family, friends, etc).


Just recently Tyler asked me to pray for him to be more comfortable with a decision that we had already made. He was having some anxious thoughts about it. I immediately jumped to the conclusion he had changed his mind and was going to go against what we had already planned. I was so angry and upset to his dismay. All he wanted me to do was to pray for him; Tyler especially has had lots of things going on that has caused some uncertainties and fears in other areas of our lives. Instead of being met with encouragement, understanding, and prayer—he is met with anger from an anxious wife feeling as though her carefully constructed plans were coming unraveled.


I’m thankful that God loves me just the way that I am, but loves me too much to allow me to stay unhealthy in any area of my life. He has dealt with me on anxious thoughts and living in the past and how sweet the victory to overcome that, but it is also “painful.” Painful in that something is broken that I’m trying to fix on my own. Painful in that it requires unwrapping my hands from the steering wheel and giving up control. I can’t “fix” this. The ironic thing is that I’ve never had control of anything, just a false sense of control. Surrender is giving up control of something we never had control of anyways. It’s freeing, but it also takes discipline.


“All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather healed. ” Hebrews 12:11-13


I definitely can say I’ve experienced that to be true. All of it; the discipline feeling sorrowful, but also experiencing the yield…joy, peace and healing! I long for that again. A peace that comes from hope, the confident expectation in Jesus to come through… and the joy of receiving in ways that I could have never thought and imagined, in the right time, the right way.


Jesus, forgive me for holding on to a desire to control rather than holding onto you. Replace my fear with confident trust in you. Heal the unhealthy places in my life bringing health, joy, and beauty in my relationship with you. Bring healing and health to relationships that have been hurt by anxious thinking and living. I trust You want more for me than I want for myself. I desire to know you and for my life to reflect who You are, I can’t do that without You, forgive me for trying to do it without You.